


A talk to remember

by NiennorNight (Niennor_Night)



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, BookSpoilers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PostPg.511, drunk!Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-31 20:36:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6486544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niennor_Night/pseuds/NiennorNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after pg.511 so, CoLS SPOILERS! Alec is sitting at the park alone when a stranger approaches him and starts talking with him, trying to make him feel better. {Was originally an oneshot but not anymore. I extended it and Merged it with another.} 4 chapters in all, the last two feature a drunk!Alec calling Magnus... [ Malec ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A strange meeting

**Author's Note:**

> I own none of the characters

Alec was sitting on a bench in the park, staring off into the distance, lost in thought, when he heard a soft voice.

“Hello…”

He raised his head slowly to face the one who spoke to him and his eyes widened a little in surprise when he saw a boy around his age, which looked a bit like him. He also had blue eyes and dark hair, but was dressed more stylish. He was also quite beautiful. _‘But not as beautiful as Magnus…’_ He thought. _‘No one is like him…’_ He sighed, thinking of his beloved Warlock, that was not longer his. “Hello.” He answered plainly, in no mood to speak, but not wanting to be rude. Absently he wondered what the stranger might want.

“Are you okay?” The boy asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

“I'm fine…” he lied. _‘No. Of course not. How could I be okay?’_ He thought, biting his lower lip ‘ _Will I ever be okay again?’_

The stranger sat beside him on the bench. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

The eldest Lightwood looked at him raising an eyebrow. “Talk about what? I said I'm-”

“You don't have to lie.” The stranger cut him off. “I can clearly see you're not okay…”

“What does it matter?” Alec muttered, dropping his eyes on his hands.

“Talking about it may help…” he offered instead of an answer. “And it's easier talking to a stranger than to someone you know…”

“It won't help… I can't do anything about it.”

“But what is it? Did someone hurt you?”

“No.” He shook his head looking lost. “I brought this upon myself…”

“Did you? There are two sides to everything… You can't be the only one at fault.”

“Maybe not… But my faults far outweigh his’. And I can't expect anyone to save me anymore… I have to save myself… However… I don't feel like doing that… I don't deserve to be saved.”

“That's not true. Everyone deserves to be saved.” Said the stranger seriously.

“ **No.** ” he said, a tone of finality on his voice. “What I did was unforgivable. I hurt the one I love… Even if I never meant to… How can I begin to ask for forgiveness when even I, can't forgive myself for it?”

“Even if **_you_** can't forgive yourself, maybe **he** will…”

“I doubt that… In the end… I wasn't important enough. I was just a footnote all along. I'm not something to fight for…” He whispered, his voice cracking at the last part, as he fought to hold back tears.

“That can't be true…” the boy said looking at him sadly.

Alec just shook his head “If I wasn't, he would have tried to listen to me… instead he just cast me away like I was nothing to him all along…”

“But…”

“Don't get me wrong. I don't blame him. But knowing he never loved me as much as I still do, is killing me…” _‘Even if you said you loved me… How can I believe it?’_

“Don't say that… I'm sure there is a reason for what he did. Maybe if you try talking to him…”

“He won't listen. For him, I am as bad as the rest of them… Maybe he thinks I'm even worse than **_her_**.” He spat the last word gritting his teeth and balling his shaking hands into fists.

The boy seemed at a loss for words and Alec sighed getting up. “It doesn't matter…” _‘Nothing matters anymore…’_ “Thank you. And I'm sorry for burdening you with my problems… Goodbye.” He turned his back, not waiting for an answer, his shoulders hunched and he walked away, not noticing the boy's thoughtful stare following him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Who do you think the stranger was?  
> [This was originally an oneshot that was ending here, but of course I couldn't leave it like that, so there will be more!]


	2. Worth Fighting for

Magnus opened the door and did a double take, seeing a blue eyed raven haired boy standing there, frowning. His eyes widened and he stared for a moment before seeming to realise what's going on and turning his back on him as he walked back inside, muttering. “What are you doing here Tessa?”

The boy turned to a brown haired girl, got in and closed the door.

“Hello Magnus.” She said, studying him, raising an eyebrow. His dark hair was unstyled without a fleck of glitter on it and he wore no makeup. His eyes were red with deep dark shadows under them. But what surprised her the most was his clothes. She had never seen him wearing so plain and dark garments. Instead of his usual silk colourful pajamas, he wore a tattered, faded sweater and a pair of black sweatpants. A light sense of déjà vu hit her and she made the connection, realising those were probably Alec’s clothes. “I have to say… You look **awful**.”

He laughed mirthlessly and said sarcastically. “Thank you Tessa. It’s nice to see you too.”

She shook her head, not amused and went on, ignoring his comment. “Catarina told me what you did. And I decided to come and save you from years of regret. You can thank me later.”

“Did you???” He said, sarcastically, throwing himself on the couch. “How very gracious of you.”

Tessa rolled her eyes at him, sitting beside him. “We have to talk.”

“About what?” The Warlock said, glaring at the floor as if he meant to make a hole in it by simply staring.

“Don't play dumb with me. You know very well, what I'm talking about.” When Magnus said nothing, she went on. “I knew you'd be like that. So I went ahead and had a talk with your Nephilim in advance.”

“He's not **my** Nephilim anymore…” Magnus said in a broken whisper and Tessa looked at him sadly. Then something seemed to click and he looked at her. “Wait. You went to him looking like Will? Why?”

She shrugged. “I didn't think it would matter… He never met him…”

“How was he?” Magnus asked looking away again, his voice barely a whisper.

“How do you think?”

“He must have been fine… After all… I'm just a…” he trailed off and splayed his hands in front of him, staring at them. “I doubt he'd miss me…”

“Sure… I mean, I hadn’t met him before, but if the sunken lifeless eyes and the sleepless look is how he looks usually, I guess he looked great.”

The older Warlock looked up at her, an anguished expression on his face.

“Also his clothes were frayed…” She added.

Magnus smiled sadly, his eyes softening at the mere thought of Alec’s image. “His clothes had always been tattered…”

“Magnus…” Tessa said wearily. “If you love him so much why don’t you do something?”

“I can’t…” He whispered in a broken voice. “We can't be together anymore…”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Do you have to ask? Of course it's mine.”

“That's not what **he** said.”

Magnus looked at her, his cat-eyes widening. “What do you mean?”

“Alec told me, and I quote: _“What I did was unforgivable. I hurt the one I love… Even if I never meant to… How can I begin to ask for forgiveness when even I, can't forgive myself for it?”_ ”

Magnus stared at her in shock, his amber eyes wide, his hand over his mouth. “No…”

“And that’s not all.” Tessa went on relentlessly. “He also said, that knowing you never loved him as much as he still does, is killing him…”

“But I said… I **_told_** him I love him…” He whispered, covering his face with his hands.

“And then you left him alone in the dark.” She said. “Put yourself in his place Magnus… Would **_you_** believe him?”

“No… I wouldn’t…” he shook his head, looking at her through his splayed fingers. “I can’t allow him to keep believing that… But what can I do…?”

“Did you not hear a word I said Magnus??” she reprimanded him. “The boy obviously still loves you!! And don’t even try to deny you still love him too… So go find him!!!”

“But I hurt him so badly…”

“So you must keep on hurting him by staying away?? Hurting both of you?? Or are you still angry at him for what he did?”

He shook his head. “How could I be? I drove him to do it… It was all my fault, and then I punished him for it…” He hugged his knees to his chest and hid his face in his hands again. “I’m a monster…”

“Magnus…” she rubbed his back gently. “Don’t say that…”

“It’s true…”

“Magnus! Pull yourself together!!” She shook his shoulders making him look at her. “You have to go to him! Trust me, if you let him go, you will regret it forever! So get up, and go find him!” He just stared at her wide-eyed, and she screamed at him. “ **NOW**!!”

He nodded and got on his feet. “But I… I can’t go to him like that, look at me… I look awful, you said so… I have to look beautiful for him. He won’t want me…”

She sighed, exasperated “Don’t be stupid Magnus… Do you really think he cares what you look like? And also… It may be better if he sees you like that. It will be easier for him to believe you really did miss him if you appear dressed like that, rather than if you go looking like your usual glamorous self… I knew you were suffering the moment I saw you.”

“If you say so…” He muttered dropping his eyes.

“What’s wrong **_now_**??”

“I’m scared… There’s no way he will forgive me.”

“You’re right.” She agreed, and Magnus fell back on the couch, looking up at her, his golden-green eyes widening. “Better stay here and wallow in grief, rather than risk getting hurt.”

“What’s the point?”

“Fine.” She fumed, losing her patience. “I wasn’t going to tell you because I know how much it’s going to hurt, but this calls for extreme measures. Do you know what else he told me?”

He wordlessly shook his head. “Of course you don’t!! He said he was just a **footnote** in your life all along, that you left, because he wasn’t _important enough_. **Not worth fighting for!!** ”

“Wh-what…?” He stuttered “No… How… how could he believe that…? A footnote…? **Him**?? No, no, no, no…”

“Yes. So will you go speak to him?” she repeated. “Or let him believe he is unimportant? Let him believe he is not worth it?”

“No. Not my angel… How could he… No… I have to go… I have to speak to him…” She smiled at him, nodding encouragingly. “Thank you Tessa.” He told her, pausing at the door.

“I told you you’d thank me later! Now go. And call me afterwards to tell me the good news.”

“I hope there will be good news…” he muttered, anxious once more.

“Of course there will be… You two are meant for each other.” She hugged him briefly, then pushed him out. “Now, move!”

“Okay, okay, I’m going…”

“Good luck!!” She said and left first.

He took a step, but then turned back to fill Chairman’s bowl, not knowing if he was going to be late. He stepped outside in a hurry, and stopped again. “How am I gonna find him…?” He sighed dejected and looking at his clock, feeling anxious again, turned back. “It’s already two o’clock… He’s probably asleep… I will find him tomorrow…” he sighed, entering the loft and falling on bed, terrified of the moment he’d see his beloved Nephilim again, thinking he was going to get rejected for sure. Nevertheless he promised himself he’d try. He knew Tessa was right. Alec was worth any kind of pain. And he couldn’t live without him anymore…


	3. A drunken mind speaks a sober heart

Magnus was lying on his bed, his eyes wide open, unable to sleep even though it was already three o'clock. Suddenly his phone rang and he grabbed it annoyed, but when he saw the name on screen all his annoyance faded, replaced by guilt and pain.

“Alexander…” he whispered, another feeling seizing his heart. Worry. _‘Why is he calling so late? Could have something bad happened?’_ For the first time since they broke up, after endless calls from Alec, he picked this one up. “Hello?” He said, trying to keep the worried edge off his voice.

“Wow. You actually picked up.” Came Alec's almost amused voice.

Magnus raised an eyebrow involuntarily. Alec never talked like that. Something was definitely off. “Are you not ignoring me anymore? Or did you pick up by accident?” Not getting an answer, Alec went on, his attitude changing. “I understand you don’t want to talk to me, and I wonder how come you haven’t hung up yet…” he sighed. “Anyway. I’m not drunk enough today to tell you nonsense like last time. I know there’s no way I’m the best thing that ever happened to you… ***** I’m probably the worst…” He drew a shaky breath and Magnus bit back his words, wanting to hear what else he was going to say. “I guess you’re already gone…” he added dejected. “Anyway. I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I’m really-” The line went dead.

Magnus shot up from the bed, terrible thoughts invading his mind, convinced that someone or something had attacked Alec. He was still in the same clothes as before. An old pair of sweat pants and one of Alec’s sweaters. He rummaged his closet for another shirt Alec had forgotten there, and used it for a tracking spell. Five minutes later, Magnus was standing outside a bar, looking around for Alec, frantically. He turned his eyes, and there he was, leaning on the wall outside the bar, looking sadly down, at a small object in his hands.

**“Alexander.”**

The boy looked up with a sudden motion, his eyes wide, and when he saw the Warlock he shrank back seeming to brace for impact. Magnus felt a stab of pain at his reaction. He looked so hurt… “Magnus…?” He called hesitantly and then looked around, confused. “When…?” He muttered to himself.

Magnus sighed again seeing his reaction, deciding it was probably because he was drunk. He took a step closer, and Alec, unable to step back, just dropped his head. “Alec…” he spoke softly unable to stand the scared and hurt look on his beloved Nephilim’s face. Said Nephilim looked up again, his blue eyes wide, looking extremely confused, studying him. “Come with me Alexander.” He ordered taking his hand. Alec was fiddling with the object that fell from his hands once Magnus touched him. The Warlock saw it was his phone, and it was broken. He sighed in relief inwardly. _‘So that’s why the line went dead…’_

Alec frowned, but let him drag him away. “That's different.” He muttered “You usually hate me…”

Magnus stopped on his tracks and turned to look at him surprised, still clutching his hand. “What are you talking about?”

Since Alec was drunk he was being even more honest than usual. “You look worried… It’s not normal… Usually when I dream of you, you…” he bit his lip and squeezed Magnus’ hand.

The Warlock realised Alec thought he was dreaming. “I what?” He asked softly.

Alec shrugged and started speaking, the words flowing hesitantly at first “You hate me. You are right to… But it still hurts… You tell me I betrayed you. You scream at me that I was never worth your time, that you should have left me to die back then… That you regret all those times you saved my life because I was just a snake waiting to bite you…”

Magnus was looking at him frozen in shock. He couldn't speak a word. The boy shook his head seemingly casting the thoughts aside and added in a more cheerful voice. “So today is really nice… At least for now. I hope no one wakes me up…”

The Warlock stared at him with anguish and Alec reached out to touch his face “No… Please don't be sad… This hurts even more… Be angry with me… Hate me… But **please** be happy… I can take anything, as long as you are happy…”

Magnus leaned to his touch unconsciously, closing his eyes to hide his pained expression. “It's okay… It's only a dream, right? It doesn't matter what I look like.”

Alec's eyes were shining with unshed tears as he shook his head “It matters! I never want you to be sad, even if you're not real!”

Magnus made an effort to smile. “It's okay… See? I'm not sad.”

His senses dull from the alcohol, Alec was easily fooled and smiled at him, radiantly, but still with a tint of sadness. “I'm glad…” He said and then giggled, poking his cheek softly. “Amazing… You look so real!” Magnus raised his eyebrows looking at him, gently touching his forehead. “You look different…” Alec went on. “You look tired…” He frowned. “But you're still so unbelievably beautiful…” He moved closer, hugging his arm, and asked, looking genuinely interested “Now what? That dream is very different, I don't know what we're supposed to do… I don't even remember where I slept… I must have passed out somewhere.”

Magnus bit his lip harshly at the nonchalance with which Alec discussed what could be a near death situation and also understanding his previous reaction when he looked around, probably wondering when he fell asleep. If he **_had_** passed out on the road, who knows what could have happened… Terrified at the mere thought, he pulled the shorter man into a tight hug. “Come with me…” he whispered into his ear, and felt him shiver. He opened a portal, and holding him close crossed it and they found themselves in his loft.

“That's new too…” Alec whispered, his voice breaking, still clutching his arm, unwilling to let go. “I missed this… I missed feeling like I belonged somewhere… I missed _you_ …” tears fell from his blue eyes and Magnus’ heart broke all over again.

He grabbed his shoulders making the boy face him. Alec looked up at him, surprised by his abrupt motion. His blue eyes were shining from the tears and Magnus found himself lost in them and spoke without meaning to. “I missed you too…”

He smiled through his tears and Magnus’ breath caught. Unable to hold back any longer, he leaned down, and kissed him softly. Alec froze for a moment, not expecting it, thinking he would never get to kiss him again, but then recovered and kissed him back desperately, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding him close.

Without breaking the kiss, Magnus moved towards the couch, and pulled Alec down with him. The Nephilim was kissing him hungrily now, his mind foggy, as he ran his hands on the Warlock’s chest, under his shirt. Magnus moaned and bit the boy's lip as he kissed him feverishly, only making both their movements more frantic.

That was until the Shadowhunter’s hands moved lower towards the edge of Magnus’ pants and the Warlock was violently snapped out of the pleasant haze. _‘What am I doing?’_

With superhuman effort, he pulled back and gently disentangled himself to look at his ex-lover. Alec whimpered at the loss of his touch, trying to kiss him again. “Maaagnus… why?”

The Warlock gripped his shoulders firmly, fighting to keep his composure and not kiss him again. “Alec. We can’t. You're drunk. You’re not thinking clearly. This isn’t what you want.”

“You're **all** I want.” He answered with fervour, fighting to move closer, but Magnus held him back. “Why won't you let me kiss you??” He whined, tears pooling in his eyes again. “Tomorrow I will lose you again…”

Magnus looked at him pained. “I'm so sorry Alexander…” he whispered and still holding him in place, kissed his forehead, casting a spell. The boy fell asleep and the older man took him in his arms, and then to bed, tucking him in. “My Angel…” he whispered kissing his temple lying beside him over the covers.

“Magnus…” he muttered in his sleep “I'm sorry… Don't go…”

“Shh…” Magnus crooned, pulling him in his arms “Hush baby… I'm here…”

Alec sighed and snuggled closer to him, smiling in his sleep.

The Warlock ran his fingers through his hair and holding him close fell asleep too, peaceful for the first time since they broke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *"The Bane Chronicles" Reference.


	4. A sign of good faith

Alec woke up to the bright light entering the windows. He groaned and tried to roll away from it only to realise there was a hand wrapped around his waist, stopping him. He froze terrified, not remembering anything but the beautiful dream of Magnus he had. _‘No, no, no… I couldn’t… I wouldn’t… Please tell me I didn’t…’_ Was all he could think, hating the thought of sleeping with anyone but Magnus, feeling he was betraying him again, even though they had broken up. _‘But…’_ He noticed surprised, that he didn’t feel repulsed by the body pressed against his back, something that scared him even more. Just then, the hand tightened its grip on him, and he tensed again.

“Relax…” A soft voice he would recognise anywhere whispered in his ear, and he gasped, trying to turn to look at him. Magnus loosened his grip enough to let him turn around but didn’t let him go. Alec turned, but once he moved, he felt a flash of pain and closed his eyes groaning again. “Alexander!” The Warlock exclaimed worried.

“Please don’t shout…” he muttered clutching his head that felt about to break.

Magnus realised what was wrong and relaxed, pulling him closer. “Shh…” he muttered kissing his forehead. “I’ll make it all better…”

Before Alec could protest, he saw a blue light over his closed eyelids, and the terrible pain disappeared. “Thank you…” he whispered finally able to take a good look at him. He looked just like he did in the dream.

Which only confirmed his suspicions that he was still asleep. “I didn’t know you could feel pain in dreams…” he rasped.

“You can’t.” Magnus said simply.

“Don’t be silly. Of course you can. How else do you explain…” He trailed off, the look on the Warlock’s face making him stop midsentence. He was looking at him, an eyebrow raised, a conflicted expression on his face. As if he couldn’t decide if he should find the situation amusing or painful. “Magnus…?” Alec whispered.

“Yes?”

“Is this real?”

“Yes.”

The Nephilim’s eyes widened in surprise. “How…? And why don’t you…? No, it can’t be…” He shook his head not looking at him.

“Alexander.” He put a finger under his chin to gently make him face him. “Why don’t I, what?”

“You don’t look… repulsed by me…” he whispered pained, dropping his eyes again, looking at Magnus’, arm around his waist.

Magnus sighed but didn’t pull it away. “Alec… I don’t hate you… I could never hate you.”

He looked up at him, his eyes even wider. “You don’t?”

“Of course not. I meant it when I said I love you. And yes.” He said seeing the Shadowhunter’s expression. “I’m **sure** this is not a dream.”

“But if this is not a dream, then yesterday too…” Was all he could say.

“Yesterday was real too.” The older man confirmed.

“But you… I… I don’t understand… You said…”

 

> _‘You missed me…’_

“You…”

 

> _‘You kissed me…’_

“You couldn’t…”

 

> _‘You couldn’t mean that…’_

“Alexander!” Magnus’ voice snapped him out of it and he realised he was rumbling. “Can you please talk to me? Reading thoughts is not among my many talents…”

Alec chuckled despite himself, biting his lip and cutting the laugh short once he realised. _‘I missed you so much…’_

Magnus frowned touching his face. “Please tell me what you’re thinking about…”

Alec looked at him frozen again. “I don’t understand…” he repeated slowly. “You… I don’t get it… What do you want from me?”

“ **You.** I want you.”

“No.”

Magnus face fell. He looked utterly devastated, as he slowly pulled his hands away from him, wrapping them around himself. “Of course. I understand. I’m sorry… I…”

He looked so vulnerable that Alec’s heart broke. “No.” He repeated. “I mean, I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t believe me? Alexander…”

Again the vulnerability… the pain… Alec snapped. “No!! Why do **_you_** look like that?!? You have no right to be sad for ‘losing’ me! You are the one who wouldn’t even listen to me when I tried to explain!”

“I’m sorry…” He said, and then averted his eyes. “Alexander… I need you…”

“I needed you too!! And you were never there! What changed now???” He shouted again, biting back angry tears, fighting hard not to break down in front of him.

“I was scared.” The Warlock admitted. “You were clearly drunk and then hanged up abruptly and I was sure something terrible had happened to you…”

“Why… Why would you care??” He whispered, calming down, hiding his face in his hands. “Magnus… stop messing with me please…” he drew a ragged breath fighting to keep his composure. “I can’t take it… If you ever loved me… Don’t do this to me… I won’t be able to take it when you leave me again…”

He felt Magnus’ warm arms wrapping around his trembling form, the Warlock’s body pressed against him as he whispered in his ear. “Alexander…” Still, the way he called his name made him shiver. Only **he** could make it sound like something of value… “I’m not lying… I mean it. I love you. I need you. And I won’t leave you again.”

Not daring to believe him, he just wrapped his arms around Magnus’ slender waist, burying his face in his chest saying nothing, his body still slightly trembling.

Magnus squeezed him tighter in response, holding him close. “Alec… I swear I’m telling you the truth… Please believe me…” he pleaded.

Alec was silent for a few minutes, breathing in his scent, trying to relax. Finally he spoke “Magnus??” he whispered, his voice laced with pain, hope and disbelief.

“Yes?”

“Why?” Came the boy’s voice, merely a whisper. “I mean it.” He said firmly looking up at him, effectively silencing him “Why now? After all this time? I called you so many times and you never even picked up the phone. What changed? Why are you with me now?”

“I…” _‘Because I was stupid and I finally see…’_ he thought but said nothing. Instead he sighed. “I understand you will probably never trust me again.”

“Magnus. That’s not the issue. I only want to understand. I begged and begged and you always said we couldn’t be together. That it wasn’t working. Can you tell me what changed? How do I know that in a few days you won’t change your mind again?”

“I tried.” Magnus said defeated. “I knew that the way things were, being together with me was only going to hurt you. And I didn’t want that. I couldn’t keep hurting you because of my past. I love you too much.”

Alec looked at him, not saying a word and he went on, reaching out to touch his face hesitantly, afraid he might pull back.

When he didn’t, Magnus looked deep into his blue eyes and said “I love you. I really love you, more than anything… And I’m so sorry…” He sighed and continued what he was saying before. “I broke up with you hoping you would forget about me soon and go on with your life. I never expected you to…”

“You never expected me to what Magnus???”

“To actually care that much…” He whispered the vulnerability returning to his face.

Alec sighed. “Is that all the credit you give me? Did you never believe I really loved you?!?!” he raised his voice again, hurt. He flinched and Alec felt immediately guilty for shouting at him

“No… I’m sorry…” Magnus said. “That’s not what I meant to say… I knew you loved me… But when you went to her, and I saw things had gone too far, I hoped you didn’t… Even if I dreaded it. Even if it killed me… Because then you wouldn’t be very hurt by what I **had** to do…”

“ **Had** to?”

“All that time… I could see I was losing you… My past was making us grow apart… It was hurting you… And I couldn’t bear it… I couldn’t keep hurting you like that.”

“So instead of just hurting me, you decided to **_break_** me and get it over with.” Alec said without thinking, and Magnus gasped softly.

The Nephilim felt another pang of guilt. Even if Magnus had broken his heart, he never wanted to cause him pain. “I’m sorry…” He muttered. “That explains why you did it. And why you didn’t want to listen to me. You knew I would never betray you, didn’t you??? So you didn't need to hear it.”

“Yes…” He said not facing him.

“But you still haven’t answered my question.”

“I told you all that… Because you had to understand. Why I did all I did. And I’m glad you do, even though I know you could never forgive me.” Before Alec could speak he went on. “And to answer your question… It wasn’t working. My brilliantly **stupid** plan was wrong. What changed??? I saw that you weren’t moving on. I saw you loved me so much it killed you. I saw, I only caused you more pain. And it was the same for me. I tried, I tried… I don’t even know **_what_** I was trying to do! Forget you? Not love you?” He laughed bitterly. “As if I could do that… Every time I closed my eyes your face was all I saw…”

“And now what do we do?” Alec asked softly after Magnus fell silent again.

Cat-eyes turned to blue ones, pleading. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness… But **please** … Let’s try again…”

“I want to…” Alec said and Magnus instantly brightened up. “But…” he added and his face fell. “We still haven’t resolved the reason for which we broke up in the first place… I can take the pain, but can **_you_**? You said you couldn’t bear it and so…” He trailed off.

“There will be no need to bear anything…” The Warlock said, an enigmatic look on his face. He supported his weight on his hands and leaned over him, whispering two words in his ear, his hot breath making him shiver.

He was so close, the Shadowhunter could feel his body heat, and he had to fight the urge to pull him in his arms and keep him there. “What was that?” He asked, his voice slightly trembling.

“That was my name. Consider it a sign of good faith. A promise, of no more secrets between us.” Alec just stared at him, not expecting that. “Please say something…” Magnus said anxiously, making him snap out of it.

At last, Alec smiled. “Okay.”

“Okay???” He questioned, not fully understanding what that meant, not daring to hope.

“I believe you. Let’s try again.”

“You… You forgive me?”

“Of course…” the boy whispered warmly, touching his face. “After all, you’re worth the pain.”

The Warlock leaned to his touch closing his eyes, sighing relieved. “I will never hurt you again…” He then looked into his eyes again and closed the distance between them, smiling. “I love you so much my Angel…”

“I love you too…” He smiled back. “Now, can I get a kiss?”

“You can get anything you want…” Magnus grinned leaning to kiss him, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him against him. “After all, I have to make it up to you for all those lost kisses.”

“Those were a lot of kisses… Better start…” Alec smirked and his lover eagerly did, effectively silencing him.


End file.
